Thursday, January 5, 2012

Remember the feeling when I started...

I started to get out of the New Year atmosphere and to make a plan of this year.
In order to know what I have completed, I read my old diary.

I don't feel I completed anything per day.
But I completed a lot per year.

Most wishes I made 2 years ago came true last year.

Compared to now, I was less mature and confident 2 years ago.
But I knew what I wanted and pursued them enthusiastically.

But now I was a bit afraid and tried to protect what I acquired.

While I was cleaning my room today, I found my most favorite photo.
When I saw it, the feeling I felt when I took the photo came back and
I decided to live this year with this feeling again!

This is the photo and my resolution!

shyoshin ni modotte, hana sakaseyo
Remember the feeling when I started, let my flower bloom!

I took this photo in Summer of 2009.

A few years before, I was seriously ill and felt I lost everything.
But after surgery, I recovered gradually.
My physical strength and health fully came back and
I started moving around as a guide without anxiety finally in 2009.
When I guided a group of students, I passed the pond of this lotus flower.
I felt as if this lotus was talking to me, `please take a photo of me.'

But I couldn't stop to take a photo.
So I talked back to the flower in my mind,
`Later when I finish, I'll come back to take a photo of you.'

This was my first time to talk with Nature like this.

After guiding the students, I came back to this pond.
But since the bus departure time was approaching, I once passed the flower.
But the idea came up in my mind, `I shouldn't break a promise with Nature.'
So I went back and took the photo.
The sun was so bright that I couldn't see anything on the screen of my mobile camera.

Anyway, I kept a promise.
I forgot checking the photo and forgot even having taken that photo.

Then after a while, I finally saw the photo and was surprised at its beauty.
I was filled with something warm.

As a tour guide, I visited very many places and felt Nature a lot.
Since then, the number of such moments of `Nature speaking to me' has been increasing.
I learned a lot from Nature.

And today, this flower taught me again!

So many things happened last year in Japan and in my private life.
I don't think I can continue working as a guide like I used to do.
Actually, I became a popular guide and didn't want to give up this position.
But I feel it is the time to change jobs or the way how to work or where to work.

I'll return to the beginning when I didn't have anything.

It is not sad.
I feel lots of possibilities now.
I won't limit myself.
I'll do whatever my heart tells.

Remember the feeling when I started, let my flower bloom!
Never too late to start.
Let's start NOW!!!